Just Between You and Me (And My Breast Pump): Confessions of a First Time Mom

Most mornings I get up early while my husband and dog are still asleep and my baby girl, Amara, is still maybe not asleep but, at least content in her crib. Why do I get up early you ask? To pump. In the cool quiet of the morning I sit in my comfy recliner, in my living room, and do my best to relax while a machine extracts milk from my breasts. The sound of the pump resembles a low, deep, grumble followed by the short distinct sound of a closed high hat. **Mmmmmm tst mmmmm tst mmmm tst** Can you hear it? I hear it repeat over and over again as it tugs and elongates each nipple so much so I often wonder if they will ever look the way they use to. 

I tried to breastfeed my baby when she was first born. My experience with it was very stressful but, that’s a whole other story for once we have gotten to know each other better. It didn’t take too long for me to come to the realization that pumping and then bottle feeding my baby was what was best for me and my little one. So I pump, for sure in the morning and then a few times throughout the day. I also supplement with a little formula which makes me feel like she is getting the best of both, what science and nature has to offer. 

Sometimes I’m pumping and playing on the floor with Amara. Other times I’m working on my laptop, pumping, and playing on the floor with Amara, talk about multitasking. However, during that first-morning pump when my breasts are at their fullest and I pump for the longest and my day has just begun that’s when I find myself the most honest and open as I reflect and ponder on what it means to be a mom.

-Amanda